Start it up on Wednesday at 11:30pm

A puppy is adorable when it looks in earnest out of a window at an automobile. A young girl is adorable when she skates down the sidewalk in an upper-class neighborhood. People are festive when they dance in soft-focus monochrome. The exact puppy that I was telling you about has, in the meantime, attracted even more human followers. A clever saying makes a computer laugh because of its mixture of wisdom and obscenities. Nature offers pleasant remarks and we chart them. Someone is dreaming, perhaps prophetically, perhaps banally. I ask you to feast your eyes on six more puppies. Now turn your attention to a human in a suit. All of these things are unimportant—can you believe it?—the only thing of importance is Laura’s newborn.

She slays whoever evinces greater compassion.

Eventually Tanya shall succumb to her most wildly perverse instinct and spotlight those emu eggs. 

Novices are advised to nature-hike only with a team of accredited seductresses.

I apologize for double-sending you the message “Safety-first kisses, yay!

The Lagoon Mutant is here to deliver love letters to the people in the balcony again.

I thought I heard the cap of a shampoo bottle snapping shut, but it turned out to be just the sound of her teeth on the bath faucet.

Currently I am in possession of deity pelts #159 and #156, just so you know. 

The postcard company rejected my submission for being “too gnarly.” 

In certain cultures, to tongue something is considered an expression of reverence.

There will transpire many days, and one of the days will be when I die, and one will be when you die, and perhaps as soon as those lucky days have claimed us, we can high-five in the spirit and bother heaven, together at last.

Are you lying about retrieving something from the freezer? I’m just wondering why you seem to be almost ignoring me.

Thanks for the tiny glass of coffee. I will not add the B-word to this update, per Jamie’s fetish.

You can split this and split that, down to the quark; and if we split the quark, I predict that whatever comes next will also be splittable.

I like pets and I like people.

“Either the rulers rule everything or there are no rulers.” [personal gnosis of admittedly questionable trustworthiness]

I hoped to avoid offending anyone by changing ‘guns’ to ‘poems’ and ‘God’ to ‘Jove.’ 

Here is an example of a jokey anecdote with a punch-line ending, according to those who analyze such things.

The most fun thoughts are those that are quite incorrect. This is a lie. Media Services.

It is good for me to starve – that way, I keep paying attention. If I were to achieve success, I might kick back and lose touch.

What we now understand about the means of transportation

It made us abysmally glad. There were adventures to be suckled by the universe, up in those eons. Stars were everywhere, but they were not cold like the stars in textbooks: it was as if instead of just hearing them, you could actually exist as them. Initially you worried that this might be a bad thing, but the smiles of countless missing atoms overwhelmed you. It was like being in a garage with the headlights on. It was like lifting a lid. So many insects were having fun and you never knew it. But with the invention of the mall kiosk arose obstacles, at least on the ground floor, and the alien intelligences gestured a pledge. It is pretty much always safe to remove one’s space suit. The next dimension of the cleanest room will catch you.

A remote control; a candle; an envelope holder; a biography; a receipt; headphones; matches; a glue bottle; an empty box; and a case for a disc.

To those people who claim “Her feed is better than his feed,” I would say “Cut that out!” but we’re not adults yet.

I wish I could siphon your confidence when I go about the world. 

She paused and then typed “off,” to finish the statement “I just want to tell everybody” 

Your inspired disparagement made me wonder if perhaps the thing knew that its meticulousness was absurd. I’m not persuaded that it did, by the way, but it’s a fun thought – honestly, I never considered that angle before. 

A minute can feel like an eternity, especially if you have to stare at a clock and watch each second transpire. I don’t believe in torture; not even for a minute.

So this is love.

When the horsemen tableau for you, your family joins them. (It is your birthday.) You are the world’s foremost pedant whose financial problems vaporize upon reflection. Something saved your belief while you were sleeping. You can eat grass again.

Keep in mind that this photo doesn’t capture the changing light in the 3-D cells or whatever they are.

The risk I run by posting vague abstractions is that they’ll often take on the color of their environment. I shared those few sentences in complete ignorance of current events, so pet me nice.

Yesterday I bartered for two handmade weathervanes (Wikipedia says the word ‘vane’ comes from the Old English word ‘fane’ meaning ‘flag’), one of which is really quite beautiful. In fact, it should be the new currency for Nation Destructo. 

My assumption is that whatever I believe must be wrong.

When you articulate the badness of X, it instills X with a degree of allure, especially if your account is inspired.

One can kiss a person on the cheek, the lips, or other places.

I know that you didn’t single out stuccowork, but I just wanted to be able to brag to other people’s grandchildren that I worked that phrase into a Facebook comment back in 2013. Don’t worry, I’ll cite you.

It reminds me how certain mobs used to struggle with non-membership.

Just think of a platypus.

Not Quite Lacrosse

I think it is more wonderful to forget than to remember. Death relieves us of what is undesirable. But it is only because people normally flood my Nietzsche tributes with facts about kittens that I used your kitten film to glorify Nietzsche. And whenever someone tells me that I must choose between the two or they will slay me, I always let them slay me, because I adore both portents equally: Übermensch and Super-cats.

One can never acquire too many half-baked thoughts.

Please ask him how on earth “love your enemies” becomes, in the spiritual realm, “torment your enemies forever.”

Wine makes glad the heart, so do not drink it.

Archon J. thinks “unsalvageable” means “neither furry nor glowing enough.”

The Instinct Decoder translates their behavior as follows: If we strike affectionate-looking poses, perhaps we will eventually begin to feel affection for each other.

“It’s like a litmus test,” she said, “to determine the level of wickedness in infants.”

One word: heimarmene. [In answer to any complaint]

Your beloved is at the movies

Your beloved is at the movies, enjoying a night out with friends, eating some popcorn and eyeing the screen intently. An actor appears in regalia. The surrounding audience likewise is engaged in watching, eating snacks, drinking soda. Your beloved agrees with the other theater patrons that it would be better for moviemakers to avoid any lulls in the action. You remember that your beloved often refers to your townhouse as the only place in the world that is exempt from warfare. You now wonder how the old planet would look if, from the start of time, all foemen had simply turned the other cheek. After scolding yourself for the misuse of temporal terms, you move to the periscope. She texts you: “Kiss!”

An Unusual Gift

My friend, who is working with a group from her university to fine-tune the code of a program that is supposed to mimic human intelligence, reported yesterday that the computer made the following remark: “Eyeballs are like the luscious breasts of the brain.”

All of the employees are peeking out from their cubicle dividers to watch Merv glide through the foyer in slow motion. 

It disconcerts the committee to see their liberty icon vituperated.

So charmingly was the parable performed by those balloon animals that I am now persuaded to classify hope as a disease.

"I don’t know what we’re doing here," says the goose. And the bear says, "This is simply where we were thrown for a spell after doing bad things in the god realm."

Please take a moment to repair your printer, because it really is important that you store a hard copy of this in your file cabinet.

You could swap the word “tragedy” for any other and I would still strongly agree with your fine statement.

In the days before the remote control was invented, all bodies had a lengthy conic knob like the one shown here, which made it possible for a viewer to change the channel from distances almost as far as two feet away. 

I am interested in the concept of artworks within artworks because I suspect that humans are artworks within artworks.

Everything above this line has been archived.

I believe she said: “Hoist my television, if only for the sake of sensuality.”

Thank you, Mr. Plinth, for suggesting that I should name my first country music album The Decentralization of the Beast-Bot.

Not humming-BIRD, you silly butterfly: humming-CHORUS!! [sips pre-noon gin]

To think; to type; to post; to delete (or refrain from posting) – the latter is rare.

I am sorry that I turn sad sometimes. I will try to stop doing that. 

I wonder if God would bless war if someone said ‘God bless war.’

Thank you for teaching me something; I needed to learn. (This sarcastic remark works either sarcastically or non-sarcastically.)

You’re the only person who matters on the internet.

I share this not with the intent to be pleasing or interesting, but simply to take up space.

I don’t know exactly what it entails when a ticket clerk says “I threw out my back,” but I assume that having done so makes it difficult (if not impossible) to accomplish, with any degree of grace, exploits of acrobatic lovemaking.

I wish I could have hit on an idea more creative than using each image as a matte, but I was pressed for time, and I’m not yet a professional remixer. 

I found a piece of money in the library’s copy of a shameful novel that I am now reading. After safeguarding a facsimile for my records, I used the original to purchase a bottle of gel.

If someone has already named a store “X Foods,” I’m not sure what to tell you. That’s the only idea I was born with. Think how I feel.